...Small Wonderz...

Small Wonder's note of ThAnks...

2009-08-17T20:41:00.008+05:30

Some good moments of my life are passing by me now. I wish i could get hold of them just like when i was a small kid i got hold of a peacock's feather and hid it safe within my book and smiled joyously every time i saw it. But sadly i cannot snatch away these moments and hold them close to my heart. But i am not ready to lose heart. I have decided to turn them into sweet memories and treasure them within the inner folds of my small heart.

Most of the previous posts of 2009 have been about my pathetic situations in life, about the moments when my life neared death. Some have even been made when i was totally wrecked - reading them makes me feel like a knife is cutting through me and that i am bleeding badly.

Soooo, now why to be sad? As we all say - after a tiresome climb up-hill there must be a soothing journey down-hill. Some also say - God is never unfair. Even i say the same.

I had many friends, accomplices near and dear and even dearest in my 4 years of college life. Many of them, nearly all of them were never with me as i desired them to be with me or did empathize with me when i groaned badly and writhed under the pain of the harsh cruel trials in my life. It was then i realized that 'A friend in need is the greatest friend'. I am not one of the idea that friends or relations are ones with whom we laugh and that when we cry they vanish.

There were some blog-visitors of mine who imparted me the strength through their words being miles away. One among them is Abhilash Suryan Sir. This comment that he gave me months back on my post "The Bewilderment phase must end" i published it on my blog a few days before only.

Also my sincerest word of thanks to some of the unexpected friends who stood by me through my tough days - i wonder why they ever helped me, maybe God's angels they were. If not for these few people i would not have been what i am now cz i would have ended my life long back in January '09. Thanks my dear ones for saving my life.

Thanks to Lord Almighty and all my friends - his angels - that have drawn me out of the pathetic plight in my life and helped me to rise from that 'Lonely Bench'.

Now I am no longer desperate about what to do next as I have got an admission for MS in Financial Engineering in Polytechnic Institute of New York University for the fall 2009 stream and hence i am leaving on the 25th Aug, 2009. Once again thanks from the depth of my heart to all my sincere well-wishers.

Above all, God has been merciful enough to turn me into the Kerala University First Rank Holder for the B.Tech examination for Information Technology(2005-'09).

I am now transformed to a person who loves to extend a loving helping hand to the ones that groan under the pain in their lives.

Ready to HIT THE ROADS....

2009-07-25T19:37:00.006+05:30

"Oh, dear dear dear God please don't let me fall off this bike now, please please let me make a good 8 and pass the test". This was what i kept mumbling all the time i was trying hard to make a seamless "8" on the Bajaj M80 taking my license test for motorcycle with gear.

On 24th July, i took my license test for car as well as for motorcycle with gear. I was the lone little girl who took my license for motorcycle 'with gear' - just because my parents wanted me to be the 'unique' Miss Wonder. And not because i have any big wish to go on our roads on a Big Bullet!

Here in Trivandrum currently tests are held at the Shangumugham ground - which is soon to be changed. So though the heat of the day may seem unbearable for the people waiting their license tests from as early as 6 am, the air from the sea with the WonDerFul fragrance does keep one as happy as ever - i was in fact made happy.

We - me, my amma and papa - made our presence in the ground at 6:30 am. I had a few trial rounds on the M80 which i saw for the first time the previous day only owing to the pitiable condition of my driving school's vehicles, and also 2 rounds of H on the car. After that the test began. I never forgot to hold my umbrella atop on constant fear of getting a bad tan on my face. :D

I initially had my H-test on car, then my awesome 8-test on M80 my road test on car and then on M80 - all pass and emerging all smiles at 2 pm with lots of thanks to GOD when i never expected to pass them all. So i am all ready as a good Certified Driver ready to jump on into my dream car - there in the pic - thats the type of car i like to drive and will surely OWN.

Heal The World - by Michael Jackson

2009-07-02T11:41:00.010+05:30

This song, by the King of the Pop - Michael Jackson, is a must-hear for all the 'living'. Here i present the lyrics of the song.It is my all time favorite and makes me think of another part of the world which is otherwise neglected.

little girl talking -

((i think about the gererations
and thay say thay want to make it
a better place for our children & our children's children
so that thay thay thay know it's a better world for them
and i think thay can make it a better place))

There's A Place In Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways To Get There
If You Care Enough For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For Joyful Giving
If We Try We Shall See
In This Bliss We Cannot Feel Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

...Heal The World

And The Dream We Were Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep Strangling Life
Wound This Earth Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart I Feel You Are All My Brothers
Create A World With No Fear
Together We'll Cry Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn Their Swords Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

...Heal The World

You And For Me
Make A Better Place
You And For Me
heal the wordl we live in
You And For Me
save it for our children

The song is the first in the list in the Deezer player in my blog at present.
This post is also a tribute to the 'great songs' gifted to all of us by demised Michael Jackson.

Saying Good-bye to GEC ~

2009-06-15T11:15:00.008+05:30

I am no more the little girl, too innocent for this world, of 17 yrs - but now i am the young woman of 21, the one who saw many of the harsh realities of life as well as the sweetness of campus life - in my scholastic achievements, in the various friends who walked past and who stuck on. This must serve as a short appropriate synopsis of my 4 years in Government Engineering College, Barton Hill.

On June 13th 2009 I had my last exam. Tiny tear drops did find their way from my eyes as I inwardly bid adieu to all those loving days the 'most traditional' classrooms where i did weave a million of million memories to last me a lifetime. It is these 4 years that transformed me into what i am today. Within those walls i came to know how success tasted, how sour and bitter failure tastes when it comes at the expectancy of success. Did not i know how nice friendship can be, and how lonely it feels when deprived of by one's friends? Yes, this poor soul of mine did know all of those. GEC did teach me to survive on my own too.

More than all, I started blogging at some odd instant in these years. And i truly cherish this SmallWonderz blog of mine. Thanks to all my blog visitors who are a constant source of encouragement and some who have imparted strength to me at tough times.

Now i am looking forward into the future ahead, a small smile is playing on my lips as well. Will God ever leave Miss Small Wonder so forlorn?

Has not Keats so rightly said "Heard melodies are sweet, and melodies yet to be heard are sweeter?"

Ever seen the April LiLy??

2009-06-01T18:41:00.004+05:30

April Lily is a special flowering plant of the Lily family. I have this plant coming up once every year with a big red pretty flower on its top in the month of April, in my Grandma's garden. It stays for nearly a month and then disappears. Then it meets us only in the same time next year. This year i could not find this flower nor the plant in April. Rather it decided to show up in the month of May - the pranks of nature.

May 10 - 'M'uch Speci'A'l Da'Y'

2009-05-10T22:56:00.006+05:30

Today is the day very dear to me...
Last year this day....

May 10, 2008 - a Saturday - will ever live in my memory through all the years i will tread. What is so special about that day is in fact a bad question to ask, but is what is not special about that day is a good question. Last May 10 i spent in St.Mary's School from 7:30 in the morning. I went for a placement program organized by BigLeap for iflex - Oracle Financing Solutions. I went there with an entirely different aim because i was stuck in home for more than a month. After the initial test, we three(?) sat there and talked and had lunch in Ariya Jyothi. Then they both felt very thirsty when we went to Kedaram and had juice which made us feel like throwing up. Then ran back to the school. Then what all happened did change me, my attitude and the memories are ever-green. I cannot pen down the day's events here, but they keep rewriting themselves in my memory over and over again. I also got placed in iflex that day. Whichever day shall pass me without my knowledge, May 10 can never. I think i did make a post about the month of May last year in my blog too.

...Sweet memories are like soothing breeze
Which i long will always caress
My tender heart and keep it ReD...

PS: In some ways it was a day which gave my life a kind of a bad turn too...hmmm!!!

Count Your Blessings...

2009-05-06T19:03:00.005+05:30

Long back itself i had disposed of with the habit of narrating stories(not mine, other real-life stories with morals) in my blog. But 2 days back when i came across some real life incidents i had a great urge to share it with the world. So here i start...

There is a very beautiful song sung by all people mostly Christians.It goes like this

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

This is just the chorus of the entire song. The full song i will post as a separate post. Most of us, who are in fact most blessed sing this song never fully realizing the depth of the meaning of such a wonderful song. We don't even bother to think about its fulfillment in our lives. But some people do. Read on...

First let me narrate the small experience of a 5 year old little girl. She lost her parents in her infancy itself and she was cast into the care of her relatives. At the age of 5 she became ill. It was soon discovered that the child is suffering from a tumor in her brain. She was without delay given the treatment for cure. During this process, her brain was to be scanned. She was taken for the scan where the doctor told her, "Child, you should not twitch your face or blink your eyes or cause any sort of movement in your body or face for 5 mins".The child agreed to the doctor who was very loving to the little kid. The doctor's attendant started the process, when 2 mins after the start the child caused a movement in her lips. They canceled it and the attendant chided the child because they had spent a lot of trouble and time in explaining all to the child patiently. The child never responded. The doctor came and spoke to the child again and after sometime again got the child ready for another scan. This time also the child did the same as before. They canceled it again, now the attendant was really angry. But the doctor came forward and entreated with the child lovingly for the reason as to why she repeated this in spite of him warning her against it so many times. The child still kept her calm face. Then she held the doctor's hand and smiled and said "Doctor, i am sorry. I controlled myself so much. But i simply thought about God's love for me and accidentally the song "Jesus i love u" came to my lips. I am very sorry, it was very accidental". The doctor's and the attendant's eyes shed tears and they simply stared at awe with this child fighting death in her miserable life. This story was narrated by this doctor in the newspaper Malayala Manorama (more correctly, in the supplement Metro Manorama) under the title "Doctarude sakhshyam"(The Doctor's testimony) on 3rd May, 2009.

My mother then told me as to how we all complain to God amidst the small problems in our daily life and how many instances there are when we think whether God doesn't love us when we have our petty problems. Howmuch we slight off the many blessings God has given us - our strength, our health, our parents...the list is endless.

Another touching story i read was from a very old newspaper. I wanted to share it in my blog but i did not know how the response will be. But now i feel it is necessary to share it too.

There was this missionary who went to the poor and sick people and ministered to them and served them. It was his mission in life - to be with such people. Once he was with some lepers in a leprosy camp. He was conducting a sort of entertainment for them, with his group singing them Christian songs. They were singing of God's help and all. When the show was nearing its end, the missionary went up to the stage and asked whether anyone wanted any special song to be sung for them. Then he heard a sound of bells from near the stage. It was a woman with a cloth thrown over her face. He got a glimpse of her. She had no defined nose but just a lump of flesh there, no eyes but 2 vague holes, no lips but a sort of lined opening, no complete fingers. He just turned his eyes from her as he felt much for her disfigured appearance. The woman asked him "can you sing me the song 'Count your blessings' with a smile in her voice. She was certainly joyous at the song's name itself. He was aghast at her request. His eyes welled up with tears that such a person must feel so much for the love of God and His blessings when a normal human cannot or himself cannot feel as much as her. He mentioned in the article that ever since then he always sung the song with tears in his eyes. She in fact made the world realize the depth of the blessings of God.

Here is the whole song. Do go through it.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain:

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

These are the incidents i wanted to share. We are in fact unaware of a suffering part of the world and the great truths they tell us through their lives. Let us learn from them and not despise these stories as mere fables or question its reality. They are real incidents though past belief.

Ayyooo...Ayyooo...

2009-04-26T21:37:00.006+05:30

My GATE experience still remains afresh in me. I was the one unlucky candidate who filled in the OMR sheet in the wrong way and ended up disqualified. Today was the ISRO examination. Me in room no. 47 in Govt. Boys Model School, praying that nothing silly will happen from my part.

As the sir handed the OMR sheet to me i received it with trembling hands. A short fair guy of the name Binju Pathrose was my only neighbor. I heard the sir repeatedly telling us "Use pen only to make ur signature when filling the OMR sheet details". I decided that i am not to go wrong in filling up the details nor use pen for pencil etc. So i told myself that i must constantly keep watch about what my neighbor was doing and follow him carefully. At the end of the OMR sheet there were 2 boxes one below the other - upper one(candidate signature) and lower one(invigilator signature).

As i was going on filling up the details i found him lagging behind me. At the end i saw other people using their pen to make their signature. This guy was only shading his roll number on the bubbles with his HB pencil. I took up my pen and made my signature neatly in the upper box. I kept watching the guy and he was feeling it irritating. But i kept on staring to make sure i dint go wrong.

Finally, he put away his pencil and picked his pen. In style he made himself ready to make a signature. He knew well that i was staring. He fixed his pen neatly on the lower box. I was looking on. Suddenly it struck me that it was him going wrong.

The situation was all reverted. I cried loud "ayyoo....ayooo....". The guy turned his face to me with his pen at a point sharply fixed on the wrong box. He raised his eyebrows at me as if asking "Wats the matter?". my hands had flung to my mouth in bewilderment. I pointed my finger on the upper box on his OMR sheet. He looked down and found his pen ready to make his signature in the wrong box.

Suddenly there were lot many "thank you thank you sooo much" showered on me. And i sat there smiling at myself - All the while i was watching him to find whether i made a mistake and see how it all turned to be? The fallacies of man.....

Even i waNt to SmiLe when i aM sAd...

2009-04-20T20:17:00.004+05:30

As April is ending, i feel there are more things to occupy me than before. Sometimes there are lots of things to be done, but i never like to do so many things together - so even when i am aware that i have much more things to be done at the moment i just lay them off and lie on the old setty in the front room with the red pillow under my head. It happens most of the days at 6 am. Its a time i love the most to seclude myself on the setty. Then my mind relapses, it just wanders beyond my control at times.

Just like now - these moments when i have tears fighting against my eyes to pour down but something wont let them fall. I just feel there is no one valuable to give them, so i just don't want to let them spill at the moment. Such moments are hideous to me. I despise them because i then have all my life rolled out before me and i feel so awful. And so many times i like to smile even when i am sad...

The other day Meenu's(my little neice) story was good. She started like "There was a smaaaaall girl who had 'chonchi'(20) rooo-piiiiis(Rs.) with her". Some instances that brings a tender smile to me. Will that make me smile when i am sad? Will that take then downward curve on my little mouth upward??

~ Former Things ~

2009-04-06T19:36:00.002+05:30

...There is an old ache in my heart
That time cannot erase
Every time i think back
I feel the tears on my face...

When i am really alone i am always lost in my world. My mind and heart just shuttles b/w the future and the past. These days also it is not any different. I always believe that i am a typical Piscean woman. Sometimes when i think back on my recent past, i feel glad to be where i am. But at times, i feel helpless at such memories - I feel they are killing me. I had many nice moments but these torturing memories - the pitfalls of life where i was in b/w the thorns and rocks and crying in pain - they are the only ones that surface up. I feel my face wetting up for reasons i really do not know. But i know something -

"And God shall wipe all tears from their eyes....
.....for the former things are passed away"

The Short Episode...

2009-04-03T13:33:00.004+05:30

The previous day, that is, Wednesday, i was idly sitting in class looking around from 3pm. Sometime i read, but the book was quite boring enough when i decided to leave. I called Papa and asked him to come and pick me up from college. I packed up and lazily walked to the gate. Just outside the gate i found a seat for myself on the pretty short wall of the small house next to the college. There was a little boy there and he just lazed around with a quite big sized unripened mango in his hand. I waited sometime which seemed like ages to me, and i was so bored that i wanted to be engaged in something to survive the next few moments. This boy never seemed to even acknowledge my presence there. Then 2 other boys who were riding their bicycle on the road above came down to him.

Though looking far off i was very keen on what these boys were upto and about how well they spend their time. One from the 2 boys who came asked me "Chechi, do you have class in college today?".I said "yes". The reason why they asked is, if there is no class in college, they can ramble around the college on their bicycle. The college is situated in a colony area where there are so many people who live like primitive ones(hmmm...). For quite sometime, i was longing for the mango in the other boy's hands - but he was eating it gladly. Then the next kid asked " Chechi, in which class are you?" What should i say now? I was baffled at what answer to give. I said " I am doing my 4th year." The boys then said "ayyyee, chechi is only in class 4". They then left.

I was once more left with the chap with the mango. I saw him biting off the mango badly. Unable to resist myself further I asked "Can i have one mango please?". He gave me one good smile and produced a big mango from his pocket. How grateful i was to see that unexpected mango! I took it from him, sat on the wall and started at the mango. Many of my juniors then passed that way on their bikes, which was so unlikely then and they dint forget to jeer at me. When i was almost done, the car came. I asked him whether i should throw it off because he was constantly staring at the mango thinking what i was going to do with it. He replied so much like some grown-up "yes, throw it off". When i was leaving i waved at him and he waved back all the way i left like a dainty kid. The small incident never fils to bring a smile to my face.

AnXietiEs UnpLugGed...

2009-03-16T05:53:00.003+05:30

After quite a long break i am back to my blog as my real self.
“Tough times are there so you can have a good time later on-- and really appreciate it!”

There is this one sigh emanating from me most of the moments since 2 months ago..."God, i have been through quite a lot and am soooo weary". I have often heard "God wont test you and put you in trials that are beyond your endurability". So how will siutations beyond my power seem like?? hmmmm?

I have almost come to the end of another phase in my life - the 4yrs of my education in Barton Hills. And at this point i am left open-mouthed gaping at the times fleeting by "what next?". I am cast in an enigma where i am totally perplexed as where to place my next step. But i am sure though everything may seem occluded, i will at least be thrust into 'some' way.The life i had these days was quite tough, and the people i thought would comfort me were in real, alien to my groanings throughout. Yesterday the GATE results came with a bang. So now i know i have no hopes that way too.

In the mean time i also turned 21 - but i had quite a sweet birthday. The times are so changed that all the scenarios are being reverted - in the economic arena, job sector, as well as in my little world as you call The Small Wonder World!(though its not an economic turndown i am encountering!!)..

Meeting Tifany...

2009-02-19T11:40:00.007+05:30

Last Sunday, as i went to church in the morning i expected a usual Sunday. But near about 10:30 when it was time for the testimony as people came forward to testify about the wonderful ways in which God led them, every head was turned around in one direction as a very beautiful girl of about 22 yrs of age with very short brown hair came forward helping herself with a stick and a lady by her side to lead her. She was neatly dressed in a salwar-kameez that catches up with the modern fashion and a red shawl. I noticed her, she was smiling and had a very pleasant face but her eyes they were brown and seemed very awkward conveying us that she is blind.

That was Tifany, she was so happy when she told us about the way God has been loving her, caring for her and all through then drops of tears kept falling from my eyes. I saw a new world then, the world i never saw till then. I had so many things in my life to be happy about, but still i always remained unhappy. But she, though she never saw the true colors or light of the world she had a strong light in her heart and she went around spreading joy to everyone. She is working as a receptionist in the International Institute for the Blind near the Vellayani Lake, Trivandrum.

As Tifany gave her testimony a tall African came forward wearing specs but he too had to be led. He was smiling all the time which made me think that he is mentally unstable. But then when he came to speak to us, in very good African English i came to know that he became blind half way through but still the happiness he gave each of the people through his testimony cannot be put in words. He came down to India to do a course in Enterprenuership and Management in this Institute.

After the service, i went and met Tifany and introduced myself to her. I felt ashamed of myself when i reflected on the pitiable condition of my life when compared to their lives. They had no eyes but they made people see a new world of happiness through them. I am always used to the mundane work of complaining about all the small things i do not get in life and make lives miserable for all near and dear. And i feel most of the all-potent human race arent quite different from me. But meeting people like Tifany and the African friend and such others like them, who live in the light though they see no light, who spread joy around makes us change the vile ways we live in. The traces they left in my heart and life can never be eroded by any span of time or other bounds as long as i breathe.

Though literally we are not blind and they are blind, in reality it is we who are blind to many of the beauties in life and miss out many things but they see all what we miss out too and make their lives more beautiful, and the world too a better place.</span>

Breathing in 'slight Relief'

2009-02-19T11:18:00.011+05:30

The last month has made me see all the bad faces of life and i wondered whether there is any end to my groanings. I was bewildered whether God lives alone for my parents and the grown-ups and their happiness, and it pushed me into greater agony. The Sunday i attended the meeting in Polio Home i broke down into tears feeling all deserted in this big world where i m helplessly gaping at...?

That evening when Raju uncle from NY came to our house i was in tears all the time he shared the word of God and i really felt that presence of God, the loving hand, the care that was extended towards me even when i thought it wasn't there. All through my miseries and troubles i looked up onto several ones whom i clung on close to till then, but none of them could share my worries and be a true partaker in all my sufferings(I understand that there is a limit to the helping hand that our loved ones can offer). But it feels so nice to know that God was there watching me all along and and helping me w/o my knowledge and revealing himself to me at the right moment.

Ever since that point i started changing, i looked at the world and all around me. I began thinking with my head and heart together. Now i feel i am returning to myself. The recovery has been quite a long process, but still i am so glad that i am being rejuvenated.

There is great joy in keeping happy those who look upto me alone for any meagre amount of happiness, than in finding my own happiness. It is one lesson my experiences taught me. There are ones who went against this norm, are there? and still have peace.

It has beem so many daya since i laid hands on any book. Last day i was feeling unusually lonely and sad when i decide to read something good. The book that aught my attention was "The Wary Transgressor" by James Hadely. It was quite exciting and i happily finished it off.

Just so TiRed and FOrloRn?

2009-01-23T12:13:00.004+05:30

It has been such a long time since i even saw my blog. The new year has so far given me a lot of bad moments, tough times more than i ever could bear. Times were tough, people were more rude than i could bear, passing moments tempted me even to put an end to my life. The time i ran away from home unable to be there another moment, then returning home when sense was put into me, all the while people at home never knowing that i was not there at home. Trying situations - but i hope everything is going to be fine after somedays.

I am just so tired at heart that i am really unable to blog. But blogging has taken a long break with me and thats the reason i returned to it.

When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly

Left with no more strength in me to carry on, i put an end to my ramblings here...

Christmas is here...

2008-12-25T08:00:00.002+05:30

Merry Christmas to all my blog visitors...
Every season has a meaning - the joy of the season is when we understand the meaning
Christmas is the season of Love.
May the world be filled with love for one another - my prayer on Christmas.

Busy going through the e-cards my heart fills with warmth today and all ready for the Bright Christmas Day.

The bewilderment phase must end...

2008-11-22T06:53:00.006+05:30

Its been so many days since i really set eyes or hands on my blog with love in moulding it. Today i have updated it to a certain extent. I have been hibernating in many vistas of life for a month. On Nov 5th Barack Obama rose to throne but my hibernation found no difference other than a few glimpses of the new world to come. The American economy coming down, did that really skin me out of fear? The reason is unknown to me. And now the timid little Small Wonder just shudders out of anguish on thinking about her state after the end of BTech. Undecided on what to do, how to reach them and so i wax my ears tight when someone speaks about their plans after BTech.

Most of the times i really dont know what to think about. If i try to live in the near future - then the upcoming university exams just leave me gaping at my helpless plight. If its the far future i must interest myself in - the the exams i must crack to reach where i want to make my properly functioning sparse senses too go awry. Being in the present - thats wat keeps me living at times, but other times the problems i face my little heart cannot wear, or seeing my parents make me go mad thinking abt the big conflict b/w their plans for me and my plans for myself. Dwelling in the past - i feel like whacking myself for the places i have made myself fall, for some of the losses i endured. So i come up with the biggest solution - goto bed and get a sweet sleep.

But now i am flying into action. That is the new resolution. Lately i found myself extending solace to a crying person, "See, problems come, but dont run away from them, face the adverse situations. That is what life demands of us". Poor me! Always well versed in uttering philosophies without a break, there are just a few of these teachings that i inbibe in myself. Awk! hehe...

So now i have decided to teach myself. Are there things i shun to even think about, then those are the things that are going to occupy me henceforth. Launching into action phase....

Witnessing a fight

2008-11-14T06:19:00.002+05:30

Yesterday, i was unusually joyous walking around the campus, flying planes in class, jollying around, altogether quite jovial. Anoop and me went to the EC Lab to fix the project we set up there for the lab management. Walking to class, at the slowest pace realizing that the afternoon hours have started, i found a rocking session going on which tugged me to stay outside. I saw Dhanya and Anju, Davis and Rajeev preparing for their seminars without attending the class. I decided to make use of this time by consulting Josna ma'am abt my seminar. Then Betcy joined me along with Beena. "hey, u dint attend the class?". "Nah, was searching for some project topics". Anoop got my pen from the class. We ran off and hid behind a wall when sir came outside class. I then entered the lab. Josna ma'am started examining my seminar report.

We heard the big buzz outside. Before i entered the lab there were furious students tearing some strips of card-board etc. which belonged to the various parties existing in the campus. On hearing the buzz, realizing its a fight going on, i dont know y i never reacted. Ma'am asked me causally "is it is a fight going on outside?", me answering "yes". "Did u say yes?". Suddenly i found myself in the flaring premises. I was within the lab corridor witnessing all the fight going on right in front.

I saw people standing there with bleeding noses, hand kercheifs full of blood, teachers huzzled around helpless, boys running helter-skelter wether to strike someone down or just for the sake of making a crowd movement - i do not know, girls gathered far away interestingly watching on with emotion filled faces - whether of enthusiasm or of anguish or of fear - i do not know, some crowded near casualities. All the while my eyes were busy prattling around for someone. What i felt then witnessing all of this in such a peaceful campus that i ever knew of i cannot put down in words.

The fight ended with me returning to class to attend the seminar sessions. As Dhanya's seminar was goin on, classes were dismissed owing to the strike that conventionally follows any fight in college. A momentous day.

Just so messed up....

2008-10-24T22:49:00.003+05:30

Sleepless nights, tensed days and dizzy days lie ahead of me. Any guess? My first internal exams in Semester 7 are here.Tapping my feet to the song Aahisthaa Aahistha from Bachna Ae Hasseeno, i am preparing myself to start my studies. Is this the right way to start? Where do i start? How do i make a start? But these questions are always there, so i am a bit relieved - the mundane task is on, thats it.

Life is of course a wonder. Today this night, i am here after a coool swirly evening, dashing against the wind in the rain at night - finally i am back in my seat. This month has seen me as a very lazy blogger, is lazy the word? No, much of the things i have kept from leaking from my treasured memory because because...yes thats it...because...BeCAuSee...hehe

This month has been a month of action for me, the way i fell on the road headlong when we went to get my GATE application form from the SBI at Vanross Junction, meeting old friends, renewing old friendships, life taking the forms i always yearned for keeping me a lot happier, a tiring seminar done with, episodes of lurking away to avoid teachers' scorching stares...So on the month passed onwards for this "small" girl...

"Kannukkul kannukkul kaanatha kanavakum..."

Incidents are a million, but to put them all down here, i am hesitant, embaressed, possessive to hold them all in me alone, and what not...Enter the smaaaaall wonder's mind and you will find yourself in the swirl as she is. But i really love the way my little unstable mind is, which flies on from babyhood to grand-motherhood, feeling mad thinking about the American economy slowdown, assignment submissions, all while bothering deeply about the amount to be charged by the rickshaw driver on the way to and back from college, eyes set deeply on the meter ticking away too fast while dreamily fixed on the sweet day planned...

September hullabaloo

2008-09-29T22:28:00.009+05:30

Sept 29th - Currently reading "The 3 Mistakes of My Life" by Chetan Bhagat. The first two books which i laid hands on long back, 2nd yr BTech, "Five Point Someone" and "One Night @ The Call Centre" - both very interesting and catchy books. Once u start reading u are in a great urge to somehow finish the books. The charismatic touch in the narration style, the interesting plot, very ordinary storyline makes his simple stuff all the more interesting.

This month i had my sis' b'day on which i made her some jamuns and pudding. But then my family was hesitant to consume what i cooked. But they are not to be blamed. This month i was keen on practising some cooking. Some hits were successes like upma, tasty doshas. So i moved on to making a gobi manchurian referring to a net based recipe. With 1 and a half hrs of hard work i made it and enjoyed the savour. We had it for dinner. As usual papa commented "Learn to make some Keralian dishes, not these". My sis and amma ate to my heart's content. Me too. That night amma retired to her room early with the excuse that she is feeling uneasy. The next morning amma told me "I am feeling uneasy since yesternight". My sis woke up n looked dull. BUt all of a sudden i got a sort of spasm in my stomach n had to hurry to toilet before speaking to her. I came back n enquired after her poor spirits. She said "Its a stomac trouble nevermind". All had stomach upsets. It made us think about the common cause. Finally - "You! Its your gobi manchurian". Words flared high in the air and me with ears closed.

After that unsuccessful cooking expedition of mine, my family no more encourages my cooking. But i have heard of many great cooks whose first attempts have all been disasters. It never stopped them - it actually made them correct themselves and moulded them into the best cooks.

Heralding the new month, i am in good hopes for a good month..

Another Onam Passed By

2008-09-13T05:26:00.007+05:30

Its very common for a malayali senior to snap his junior with these lines, "i have seen more onams than you"(implying his seniority). As every onam gets over i look forward to the next onam with greater hopes n more spirits. But sadly this onam has shattered my hopes. First of all, the church arranged a gathering on these 3 days which my pious parents were keen to attend as a family without fail.

Secondly, in college starting from year 1 my class always got together for onam and had fun forgetting any probz we had. But this time i am puzzled about wat happened. Infact more than half of the class dint turn up for the onam celebrations.When all other classes had fun the few of us who were present just thought of those old days.The way things have come about in our class is incredible and incomprehensible to me.

Most of all, most heart-breaking conversations, heart-rending moments, and myself all so sad and in tears. This yrs' onam was just unconventional.

As i knew an onasadhya will be impossible on Thiruvonam i made amma make one for me a day before onam commenced. And we had a wonderful sadhya at home finishing off with the savory kadala payasam.

I still recount with joy my childhood days when we used to have onasadhya at relatives' homes, make small pookalams, sit glued to the tv to catch any good shows, have residential onam celebrations and many such things. Now things have all taken a different turn. But i have a dream of how i am going to celebrate my onam with my family in the future, so that my kids will enjoy being 'malayalis'.

My belated - Onashamsakal to every-one.

And she said "Dance me to the end of love...."

2008-08-13T22:18:00.006+05:30

Some lines i found while browsing, but the ending line made the few lines in the poem take new dimensions "...As if there were an end to love"!

Always prodding upon the realms of life i arrived at the beautiful point that Life has to be a cool blend of various proportions, emotions, intellect, vices, qualities. Infact this year i have been feeling that my life and everything around me is in real small wonder turning myself into the Miss Small Wonder. I am discovering a meaning of life, i am finding reasons to live(which were so vague some time ago). And yes, i am dancing out of my joy and zest to live...

Now i feel like a small child who has almost learnt to walk. Problems and miseries surround and abound but unlike before now i have learnt to face them with courage. Loneliness doesnt haunt me anymore.

I have flewn on the wings of time and it has taken me to the shore where i am most happy to be, where i never dreamed of being. Before 3 years when i started college, i knew life is giving me a new turn and i wanted to rectify all my mistakes which carried on for 14 yrs of school life. Yes, i did turn a new leaf. But as time began to fly with me on the wings, things which i never dreamed of happening in my life happened to me. I am now a transformed being - mentally, emotionally, and physically. But i know its all for the best. Life is totally balanced - there is more than a jist of everything in my life. Its infact a small wonder.

Friends walked through and through in me leaving their footprints. One who stayed deep in me made all the difference. Some left i know not why. But the bond that developed in such short terms are valuable and its breaking apart also unhealed wounds.

I affirm within me that even with my grandchildren, when i take a glimpse of my college, one shot of any of my friends made here, one picture and the one will all bring me back as the Small Wonder who wonders abt herself too.

But will i reach the end?? Never...

I survived through these

2008-08-04T17:10:00.003+05:30

Living in any corner of the Trivandrum city, one can never evade beggars. Many home shun such people and some treat them heartily giving them money and food. But last year, the government made many areas "yachaka nirodhana meghala"(begging restricted) and put up a home for such people to shelter them and to provide them necessary food and clothing. There are ones who accept only a fixed amount, onces who thrown he money at us if its not upto their expectation, people who come laming and sooo much sick that they r about to fall and we see them elsewhere running around behind a bus or something. It makes us feel bad mostly. I know there people living really miserable lives, but people like i mentioned make us look down on the whole lot of them...

Today, as i was scanning the Manorama supplement i came across an article abt a school-teacher who goes around on his scooter distributing packets of food to the hungry ones in the city in morning and noon. I slowly drifted to some connected memories of the past and the recent past and smiled to myself...

...There are a whole lot of beggars who come to our area, but very few homes treat them kindly. There was a lady who came in rags with a small child - she visited our house many times a month. Feeling pity my family used to give her a 5 rupee coin when she came, sometimes food to eat. One day we were all in the morning rush hours for leaving for school, college, office when somebody rang the bell and the bell kept ringing forever. we rushed down n were choking bcz the bell was burning and smoke inside the house. papa went n switched off the main switch. the lady with the child was ringing the bell...after that she never came....

...Next there was a man whom we thot was a leper and my mother never hesitated to give him food and money whenever he came. He came on all Saturdays and once when he came my mother knew he was little drunk though he never betrayed himself.He spoke to her and said he just came from the airport and that he s very happy. Amma inquired y. He said his daughter too went to America today. his son is already there. His wife died years back leaving him 50000 rupees.He put his kids in an orphanage. They r from Tamil Nadu. And he came to Kerala to beg. Nobody including his friends know that he s a beggar in Kerala. He leaves his baggage n dirty clothes in some shop in Manacaud and goes to his place in different dresses. He owns cars there. We were shocked beyond words. Next time he came then my mother stopped giving him money, he said he will bring his son and daughter but we shouldn't tell them that he is a beggar. But after that we never gave him food or money....

...Sometimes even i turn a big saint in seeing to people who arrive home hungrily and in shabby clothing. One day my family was away with me, muthashi and aunty at home. When i was busy on the phone somebody rang the bell. I rushed out n saw a very skinny man standing there with a sling bag and looking helpless. I had many things running through my head, so without listening to him i said "plz wait" and rushed inside but i could find just 4 rupees. I took that, and it was tea time so i went to the kitchen n cut a fairly big piece of cake and satisfactorily went out to him. In one hand had a piece of cake and 4 rupees as coins in the other hand. As i was nearing him he asked me "[My father's name] home?" I am Prince's brother." I wanted to scream loudly realizing my folly. i somehow manged a "No". I ran into the house and laughed and screamed and what not. Mistakes happen right? Its just humane...

I came back to myself, smiled and kept reading the newspaper and then returned to my morning duties sincerely wishing that my exam will get postponed. KSU educational bandh tomorrow most probably.

Kuchi Kuchi Rakkammaaaa....

2008-07-14T16:16:00.004+05:30

kuchi kuchi rakkammaaa...koodasaalli rakkammaaaa....
allum pagalume nanaindhalum aatthu meenukkaaa kuliradikkum???

Amidst desperation, i opened my mail-box to check the program set sent by Shalima for tomorrow's lab exam announced today noon. Tomorrow there is the Mini-project evaluation , the "mini-project" word is announced by the authorities for the first time in this exceptionally long semester i doubt. Nowadays i never flinch a bit when i hear that there is an exam the next moment - i have grown quite tuf there. me alone?

Yes, in my mail-box there was a treasured mail - a comment which brought a smile on my face right from the heart.

These days i am finding it little tough to balance all together - university exams next week(the tension isnt remaining inside me, it is absent for long - i am trying to shut that in me), my personal life, my whims and dreams, my fooling around, my studies, my academic hopes n dreams, my prayer life, balancing friendships - none of these are able to find a corner for itself in me. Added to all that i am here with a fever and cold.

Some realities in life recently have been right like a slap on my face to which i was hysteric initially but very much sad later on. Will the future take care of itself?

On Friday i walked down that hill in college to reach the gate and i saw Lekshmy teacher(i cut her class that day) coming the other way, so i headed back up the hill to evade her and came down when she was gone to meet "the snake" and made all that fiasco making people crowd around me like seeing an "uthsavam". I wonder how people stand even without winking on seeing such horrid creatures. People around are just so strange.

It just came to my mind my first class-cut in first year along with Namrita. It was Usha Maam's math class and we finally ended up hiding in the toilet to escape being caught. Such funny days. But i still cant convey the raised heartbeats i had in those moments out of fear...

I really dont know what all i am thinking in a moment and thats the reason my single post spans the exremes of time and the extremes of facts never halting for a moment. This mind of mine is sooo busy, this heart of mine is always fluttering, and this life of mine is always throbbing to burst in the viens...

saelai oaram vandhu aalai moadhiyadhu
aahaa enna sugamoa.....

Just some puzzle pieces - not solved...

2008-07-08T06:37:00.003+05:30

Vividly remembering most of the days in Jan and Feb of 2008, i am flabbergasted the way more than half of 2008 has flewn off. Just like we do system restore in computer, i simply wish my life could be taken to some point before(not lot...but little) and started over again from there. In life all those are fictitious.

What we do is what we get returned - this is what the theory of "karma" says and i firmly believe in this. But sometimes i am forced to accept the truth that belief alone is not enough, implementation is highly necessary. Many times, knowing that what i am doing is not good for me, i have been foolhardy and done those and God has just thrown me into the bitter consequences. Early in life, i used to blame God for all the hardships i faced, but now, i have grown enough to blame myself and never God. Maybe, not maybe but for sure, it is God's undeniable love towards that make me face all the bitter consequences, so that i may learn something valuable and turn away from the vile ways. For it is written, "One who spareth the rod, hateth the child".

As a small kid, i was always forced by my parents to do my lessons and the chorus "go and study" just deafened my ears leaving me to stamp on the floor and put my hands in the air to free myself from fits of anger. I just could comprehend why me alone had to face all this torture when many of my friends dint have so much problems at home regarding studies especially. But now as i am at a level, though never highest, but surely where i never expected to reach i owe all my gratitude to them for their constant nagging and chidings.

I think there is always ample time for me to revert things and make things better. I hope so. May i have the determination and the good mind to do the same. After all, yes, the whole strength for life comes from this vast part called the "mind", the thrust for life comes from the part, "heart"(not literal) whose place in us we are not aware of.

Sweet Faces of Life...

2008-06-27T11:50:00.003+05:30

Babies, children...they are the innocent faces of life. An outsider will be attracted highly to life on seeing these faces. And every person puts on these faces and wear them off as time goes by. As time advances they wear the brutal looks, tresses of stress appear, and many such others.

I have noticed that many people love taking a look at these small faces even in their busy schedules. Me too have such a passion. I have read this in many places and few days back Anoop told me that babies smile abt some hundreds of times a day n children lesser and adults least. Is it the innocence on their face that makes them attractive, that gives them beauty? Are there people in the world who can resist their faces? Maybe there are...

Anne Geddes is a well known photographer whose pictures are found and sought after in all shops. She said there is something very peculiar about the faces of babies and children and so she became a photographer of babies and children which made her world famous and her pictures most lovable.

Busy Tensed Life...

2008-06-17T19:25:00.001+05:30

Life is soo busy and so much crammed up nowadays. Everyday there is getting up early in morning, then doing all daily routines and all the helter-skelter run throughout the house to make it at college at the right time. There classes seldom happen, but nowadays there is a better job being done - awaiting the Semester V results with heart full of tension.

Awaiting results is one of the specialities in being an Engineering student especially under Kerala University. Right from 1st year, i have known this feeling. One week before the results come the college buzzes with "Result coming today". Its a big thud in the heart. Some people get to know their results early before the others and "rest-in-peace"...Whereas ones like me spend moments burning fire within.

As of now, i am expecting the results tomorrow. I dont know what is in store for me after the results are out. Today there was a talk by "accenture". We had it in the 313 and 314 rooms. I saw new spkrs, mikes n all such set up installed there. It took me by surprise to see college owning such a mike n speaker system. I felt too much sleepy during the talk. I was yawning without fair intervals...

Memories of Sememester IV results remain afresh in me. When somebody speaks of result i am like being shaken by some force within. May God take care of me.

Morover people are so much worried abt placements. Its actually a tensed up condition in college. People worried abt results, placements, the soon-nearing university exams, then so many personal problems to be necessarily worried about the flying college youth...

Right now sitting here I am thinking of a day called tomorrow. Results??? Mini-project? To be completed? Debugging - oooh the worst job... Will i make it on time to college? Things will adjust themselves in schedule. Thats one thing i am quite assured about. Nature is exceptional. It drives everything to get completed in tune with our wish somehow....

'M'ost 'A'dored da'Y's of my life

2008-05-27T05:34:00.007+05:30

May has been a month of surprises for me. I went through the paths that i never dreamt i would trod upon. For about a month and a half i have been at home owing to the semester - break granted by the Kerala University. For me, being away from college used to be something i disliked most. But this time wen the idea was proposed itself i loved it. Next week, i am to go to college again and i am extremely happy about it. At home, life was quite beautiful though there were a few moments when i yearned to be back in college.

Thinking back, May is a month which gave me satisfaction in many aspects. During the initial days i was busy with "Gone With The Wind" by Margret Mitchell. It was a cool experience reading the book - quite a huge one. The book's settings along with the way my life was painted in those days, the feeling was fabulous n beyond words. I still remember Scarlett, Rhett Butler, Melanie, Ashley, little Bonnie not without a smile on my face, but tears in my eyes, anxiety in my heart and many many scenes flashing swiftly across my mind. Tara, home to Scarlett, who moved to Atlanta endured the war and carried others thru the war, who is the treasure in Rhett Butler's heart but she never knows it, when she loves a man who doesnt love her in return, and this book is the wonderful portrayal of Scarlett and Rhett and an equisite description of the war and everything concerned. I wud ask everybody to read the book once. I just loved it.

Personally, the month took me thru untrodden paths - made me realize the value of this life. The month made me treasure some moments even above life. As long as my breath holds, wherever i reach, wherever i be, however i will be, i know for sure, that those are the moments that will remain in my heart forever, make my heart flutter within, and make me fall off into that deep abyss where i wish to fall off forever.

I got into iFlex in this month. Though this was a sort-of-vacation, we dint go anywhere this time. But still Home-Sweet-Home. I now long for college, to be there, i MAY call it my second home...

Adoption - a blessing!

2008-04-22T17:06:00.011+05:30

Today i went to Anadyil Hospital with my mother. As we waited there for long, i got seated in a chair along with the many others wen amma went to get the wanted-bills n papers. Many Mali people mostly ladies flooded the room in their skin tight jeans n glossy tops. Many of them had a file held close to their chest. My eyes fell on the small kids who played around and some who cuddled up in their mummy's arms. The sight was an eye-candy and i too felt the immaculate bliss written on those tender faces. As we entered the car, my amma informed me that many of the Maldive natives come here with abortion cases. Then i was told abt the many abortion cases abounding in the maternity hospitals and even the govt hospitals, and abt the grave sin the ppl were committing in destroying God-given lives. I thought "People are imprisoned for life or even sentenced to death for committing murders - but then how is abortion different. Its also destroying life much brutally than in other ways." The world is so confusing at times.

Then i wondered what a blessing ADOPTION is. From an unknown stage in life i have had a strong feeling for adoption. Sometimes in life i have thought of remaining unmarried but adopting a kid. Such thoughts haunted since early school years though dreams of a beautiful love followed by a happy married life have abounded more than anything in life. Then i was quite captivated by the noble and selfless acts of acting and modeling tycoons like Susmitha Sen and Angelina Jolie who have adopted kids and raised them as their own. Once a "Face-to-Face" article came in RD about Susmitha Sen and her daughter Renee when the child was only 3 yrs of age and she said "Mummy says adopted is better than biological. biological comes from mummy's tummy, but i am adopted and i come straight from my mummy's heart". Angelina Jolie has two adopted kids - first Maddox from Combodia and Zahara from Ethiopia in addition to her child Shiloh.

Its a real pity when we look upon the plight of the kids who are abandoned by their parents right from birth for no reason of these kids. How lucky we are to be raised by our parents who had the good-mind to raise us! In school, i have heard from certain frnds who have told their parents "Its your fault that you raised us, and now you are complaining abt our bad behaviors". But these girls never thought abt the great blessing to which they have been entitled. There are many times wen i too resort to complaining and murmuring and taking all for granted.

In the present scenario, adoption isn't thought of as an odd case as people are more broad minded than before. Giving life is a great thing but supporting an abandoned life is beyond merits that words and deeds can bestow. As wickedness multiply, its soothing to see noble deeds too growing, in small measures though.

May God flood this world with kids, more and more kids and let many people be selfless and have the generosity to take up these kids and raise them and enjoy that bliss. There is no greater joy than having a child close to your heart and feeling its love, or seeing a child who needs u desperately, or seeing a child who smiles at u and fills u with so much joy!

April 18 - The day i abhor

2008-04-21T07:50:00.004+05:30

"The leaves of memory seemed to make
A mournful rustling in the dark"

Such a day never occured before it or after it(not so proper a usage bcz it was April 18 of the last year). Last year we had the Arts Fest in college on these two days the 18th and 19th of April. This year too when the same pattern replicated, there was a shudder that went thru me. Its not some incident that happened during the Arts Fest that makes me despise the day but something that shook my personal life and tore it into pieces. I still remember that day, the dress "i" wore, my day at college, my way back from college, the rest i dont want to think of...but it keeps popping up though i try to shun them off.

Since the events of that day and the few months that followed, i have always been terrified at the thot of an April 18. I have been asked to take special care on that day.

Words are not enough
To pen down all that abound in me
I only pray to take me far
Far from this day
Far far from such mishaps
Cz every moment they torture this helpless me...

Loving Pets...

2008-03-19T19:51:00.004+05:30

When i went to Chennai with my family, our relative came with a car to pick us. Among the many people who travelled along with us i noticed a girl who dressed quite unusually in a black jeans, a short sticky t-shirt, a trendy scarf around her short hair tied in a high pony, some art on her body somewhere n all - dont remember where all, a book in her hand - on the whole, she looked trendy! Wen we alighted - i saw the girl leave with her baggage. Wen we were inside our car - in front we saw this girl loadin her baggage in her car's rear and we saw a non-human face popping out thru the open space. My sis said "hey! see that...a big labrador!". I was also shocked - but it was a lovely sight. The girl finally got into the car and sat along with the dog which licked her and played with her. The dog behaved as if it was a member of the family. My amma remarked on seeing this - "Wen u girls grow into independent families , shud i expect to see such dogs in ur cars too wen we visit you??". We assured her that she can be happy abt her expectations. At that moment, all that happened the last afternoon in college came to me like a falsh back and i smiled to myself as i turned my head to face the scenarios outside as the car flew past the roads of Chennai...

...On Friday, morning as me n Betcy, Beena were on the compund wall i spotted 2 kittens crouching in a corner of a big hole. I asked somebody to take it, but nobody cared abt it. Later that afternoon wen i came to class after a busy day i saw Ghosh and Bhavya caressing 2 small kittens - one was white and the other white with brown spots. I was much pleased to see this cute sight. Wen i enquired after the pussies they said that they rlooking for somebody to take the white one home as Bhavya was takin the other one home. Wen they looked really perplexed i said "i will take it home, dont u guys worry so much". All were happy but i was puzzled thinkin abt wat i m going to do. I have never touched a kitten or cat as i get some sort of ticklish or some kinda feeling wen my hands touch their tender bones. So i never even go near cats and all. And now i have given word to take a kitten home? My sis loves kittens and feeds and looks after the hoards of cats that roam around our house. She was the only light i found streaming in thru the dark state where i was gropping now. But i dint know how i wud take the kittens till my home. I told abt my reluctance to my frnds to which they comforted me sayin they'll give me the kitten in a card-board box. Immediately somebody got a box from the canteen. Still i was intrigued thinkin wat i wud do if the kitten jumped out of the box. I was amazed at the way Ghosh and Bhavya played with the kittens.

I wondered how they did this and tried make gentle strokes on the kitten's body. I was given tips that the kitten loves being touched near its ears. I tried a lot but the kittens moved away from me all the time. I then went far and watched all carefully - how the kittens cuddled in ghosh's arms and played in Bhavya's hands. I dreamt abt a kitten sleepin in my room and following me wherever i went - so once again i went to Ghosh and cuddled my palms and asked him to place the kitten in my hands. Wen he was abt to do it, i asked him to wait - i then spread my shawl on the desk n said that he can place it on my shawl and i will take the kitten using the shawl somehow. He placed it on my shwal wen i got terrified and scramed and ran away leaving my shawl with the kitten. Later they took the kitten away. Some body told me that if the kitten bites i might get deceased. So out of all fear i abandoned my decision to take the kitten home...

But i cherish my dream to have a few dogs or atleast one in my home when i have a house of my own! But we can expect many things to change in life...Can we? Cant we?

Did u learn your lesson?

2008-03-11T17:57:00.006+05:30

Today when i came home, i was warmly received by Vipin(my second couz's kid) and my uncle and aunt. It was surprising to meet them. Vipin is a little retarded kid, born as the 2nd child to his parents who has 3 kids. Vipin stays with his grandparents as his working parents find it difficult to squeeze him into their schedules with the 2 other kids. They visit him quite frequently wenever time permits them. Vipin, the 5 yr old boy, hid his face in shame wen i made warm strokes on his face and he never lifted his face. I watched him closely and found him interesting. Later his grandparents who shower all their love on him, told me abt the wonders that this kid does. He once drove the car and crashed it onto the wall, operates the laptop, fights at nursery and lots more. The grandparents fed him lovingly with the sweets i offered, smiling at his every behaviour which looks odd to any other person. Then Vipin came to me wen i switched on the comptr for him, and sat next to me, and watched me play lionking and jungle for him. He then smiled at me. Suddenly i was reminded of Lavanya.

Lavanya is my amma's cousin's child, she is mentally retarded. She is abt 13 yrs old. One day i was surprised to see Lavanya and her mother in my house. They came to see my muttashi. I went and took a seat next to Lavanya. She was donned in a pattu pavada and blouse. I touched her dress, wen she got angry with me. I tried to play with her, irritate her, but she repelled my every move. I was sad. Seeing my face, muttashi and the aunty also got depressed. I dint end my trails. I asked "enne ishtamalle?". She spoke rudely to me and said "ninne ishtamalla". I got badly rejected. I tried touching her face, but she turned away frm me and slapped me, i tried to touch her face, but she grabbed all her flowing dress close to her, i tired to look at her eyes which were always in some odd direction as she always kept her head low due to some reason. Finally i was silent. Then i asked her, wud u like to hear some songs? She came along. I switched on the computer and kept the head set on her and i found her enjoying the songs. The i slowly tried touching her, and i felt blessed wen she smiled at me. I then combed her hair in different fashions, stroked her lovingly. She then hugged me and kissed me. Wen i leaned forward to adjust some connection, my grip on her loosened and she pulled my hand around her and said "enne pidichondirunne chechi". Wen i got a call i went to get the call wen she followed me and sat next to me and wrapped my arms around her by herself and sat next to me kissing me. Later i had to hide myself and rush to my room as my exams were ahead. She wudnt leave me if she me. Later wen i came downstairs she was gone and heard frm my amma that she had looked arnd for me all the time.

When Vipin was outside putting on his shoes he waved goodbye to us, smiling at me again and gave me a flying kiss. It was great and wen i gave him one back he blushed...hehe. I was reminded of Ruskin Bond's "Most Beautiful". These disabled kids have a special talent in them that most of today's human beings lack - to love. Today, in our world, all are too busy and man doesnt care to love others. Men are turning to mere fools - by not realizing the basic need and cause for living - to love and to be loved. But God is sending some angels to the world in the form of thses kids so that we cud be provided with chances to understand the reason for living by learning from these kids. But we just label them as disabled and teach them our vile practises rather than learning from them. But thankfully these children never lose this quality and they live for it and upto it - they live to be loved and to love alone, which makes them more complete and makes us feel "disabled" or "retarded".

I can never forget my encounter with Lavanya and Vipin and the happiness that the few minutes i shared with them brought into my life. I am once again amazed at God's ways of carrying out things!

Aagneya - A big milestone laid in the GEC history

2008-02-26T21:32:00.008+05:30

Government Engineering College - GEC - is in its 9th successful yr when we conducted Aagneya - 08, the intra college techno - cultural festival. All were really scared abt it and many dint even have enough faith in the occurance of the event even on the 23rd Feb, until the event started with a big buzz in the city on the 24th Feb in Kanakakunnu premises. Last year the EC grp of GEC conducted Convergance, a techno-cultural event. But this time all the branches put in their joint effort to materialize our dream-come-true for GEC.

24th Feb being a Sunday, i went only at 2:15 in the afternoon. I was quite aghast at the enormity of the venue selected - there was room enough for rest inside the palace, cosy sofas, good indoor halls for event conduction, cool breeze embracing you wen u step outside, lots of place to roam around as one wishes, Nishagandhi auditorium, Sooryakanti auditorium, shady long footpaths and lots more to describe. On Saturday my frnd Priya from CET called me and asked y i never invited her for Aagneya and wether we cud meet there on the next day. I was thrilled to see Priya, we sat and talked inside the palace for abt an hour after which she left. She and her frnds had participated in Code Debugging and asked me to collect their certificates. Later in the afternoon there was the Best Engineer second round prilims in which Kavitha was involved. In the Reception committee there was Sawmya,Devika and Remya and sometimes Ghosh who all combined to be a great attraction for more ppl to register. The registration counter had the honor of Shalima,Nimya, Sharma and many others gracing big computers. I found my seats in the regstration and reception as and wen i liked. I walked arnd the palace holding a small handbag. That day i stayed there till 10 pm at night wen my parents came and brought me back home. At 6 we had the Inaugauration done by Principal, Athul Krishan, Dr. Gopakumar, Mr. Varkey Philip and our Mayor Shivankutty. There were interesting speeches delivered to us. After this we had the family night with lots of beautiful programmes.

The stage settings, the order maintained at the venue, the reception given to the guests that arrived all surprised us. Police protection was available on the first 2 days. The Nishagandhi auditoriun was full before late night. I left when the Rock Show was abt to begin. The second day saw me there at 9:30 in morning. People were only arriving by then. I then heard abt a guy frm IIT Chennai who had come to participate in the paper presentation and Best Engineer. I waited until the programmes began. It was a joy to meet Isly and Chrisy chechi. Isly participated in Persona, after which i never met her in the palace. There was a lot of mingling between the juniors and seniors of GEC, and it was joy for me to interact with all of them. The photo exhibition by Maharaja also became an added game. Most of the teachers were there with their families. I came back home at noon and again left at 3pm. I then attended the Persona finals and then to Nishagandhi to see the Glitz Fashion. Wen it was time for the choreovideography i left home.

It was on the second day that my identity was revealed to Hari of S4. I regret abt it. It was fun to watch him passing my everytime but never knowing me as Miss Small Wonder. But sadly Anoop broke all the suspense for him and me!

The third day was too a great succes. The day was special bcz the Star Night was to be on that day night as the closing programme. Anwar Sadit and his team presented a wonderful delight for all the audience who boomed in Nishagandhi. I loved the song Jugunoore Jugunooore...which is still playing in my ears. He opened the concert with the Shangarabharanam which was appreciated by all. Other than the Star Night there was also The Best Singer competition, Virtual Stock Exchange finals, Best Engineer Finals all of which i attended. At the Virtual Stock Exchange they conducted a small quiz for the audience. One question was like this "Better Ideas.Better Life" - Which networking group has this ad? I had heard it somewhere. I cracked my head. Suddenly Jasim came up with "Amway" when i just hid my head in shame being an Amway business agent.

On Star Night my parents came for Aagneya. But i now regret it. The place was full of alambu which was pre-planned it seems as it was the last night. After a dance and 3 songs they decided to leave for good. We left and met Mithun on the way to our car. But still they liked the show it seems.

On the whole Aagneya was a great success. Many of the boys stayed back in Kanakakkunnu for all 3 days all night or atleast till abt 1 or 2 in the night. Abhilash Suryan sir, needless to say, the backbone of the whole event though nowhere to be seen wen the vent went on in the huge auditorium, still, his blessings and work and effort was prominent in the air and in every GEC ian's heart which blessed him continuously. Aagneya is to be continued thru the years by us and our juniors as the GEC event. Aagneya was conceived by the Final yr Mech in 2007, but it cudnt take form then, which was a great sorrow and painful, but many knew that it wud grow as a fire in many GEC minds to get matured and be born in 2008 and to be grown further in the coming years. Through great travial Aagneya was born but it has been a great joy and inspiration to all the students of this smaall school turned Govt Engg Coll, Barton Hills.

AAGNEYA - ' 08 - Unleash The Fire Within

2008-02-25T06:08:00.004+05:30

Do Come for Aagneya '08' and make the event a success! Aagneya '08 is the intra-college techno-cultural event organized by the students of Governemnt Engineering College, Barton Hills. So come and Unleash The Fire Within. It is conducted in the premises of Kanakanunnu palace on 24th,25th and 26th of February. U r invited to come and join us in the fun!!!

Visit the official website of Aagneya

www.aagneya-gecb.com

The Feeling when being employed

2008-02-19T13:05:00.003+05:30

On the 16th of February, a beautiful Saturday morning, saw me all dressed up and papa was cross examining my empty resumes as i was arranging my certificate copies. FInally we set out with the available hall tickets n copies of marklists wen i reminded papa tat i m to report at 8, to which papa said, "oh, if they say 8, then u need be there b8:15, tats all". At Sarvodaya School in Mar Ivanios Campus, i waved good-bye to papa. Among the big crowd registering for the exam i was happy to meet my old classmates frm Holy Angels. It was a pleasure to meet Nithya and Nisha, Ashwathy who were with me right frm kg to 12th, Ammu, Megha Rajeev , Sowmya, Parvathy Chandran, some frnds whom i met on the way in life at tution classes(mathiit, ipm, krishnankutty sir). I felt really happy at the bottom of my heart to be present amongst this crowd and my loving present friends. I collected my missing hall tickets, registered and left for the exam hall wen i was asked to hurry up as the first batch was already in. I was in a dilemma as to enter in first batch or 2nd wen the guy said "one more person can enter". Finally i was stormed inside to fill a vacant chair in the far vicinity. I was pleased to see the 2 satyam top-men in coats gracing thier ways on the stage with Ms. Ruby Mathai until i dint like the way one of the men shrugged their shoulders which made me take my eyes off them. We were handed over the question papers n answer sheets(15 qs for 30 mins) in which i answered 9(1 q was little guess).

After the exam we went and seated ouselves around the skool's basketball court at 11 waiting for the results which wud be published at 2 and for our frndz who were in the 2nd and 3rd batches. Many gave ideas of goin out and having lunch, but my idea was that at 2 i wud have to leave homw as i wud be eliminated and then i wud go home n have my lunch in peace. Waiting for the results was a bunch of trying moments wen u felt all the world disappearing, something heavy in ur heart... At 2 all ppl finished their tests and we all huddled arnd the basketball court and many other places in the skool. The results never came at 2 or 3 or 4...they came at 4:30. Just before the results were out i called home n told, "amma, results will be published soon, i m tensed, kindly pray for me". Anoop went and checked my results to tell me my success in the test and i danced for joy!All selected candidates were ushered into the hall again and asked to prepare a resume and write essays on Valentine's day celebs in India, 123 agreement, marraige age at 18 for boys, kidney scam, effect of strikes on economy of kerala(my topic)....

After the essay at late night, near about 8 we were prepared for the interview. I was to go into Panel 2. We all waited in corridors in pitch dark as there were no lights. All appeared weary and sweating and ready for a wash wen we were to go in for the interview. Syndhia, Nisha, Sreedevi and myself were in the same panel. Wen it was my time, the interviewer was given a 'vada' after which he came and called for me to go in. He was happy after the small treat. I was asked never to keep my file on the table there, but it was the first thing i did - kept my file on his table. But wen i realized my action i took the file to my lap. I was asked to introduce myself, my family background, y i wasnt feeling nervous...then abt LINKED LISTS in C and how to implement it in Java. I mumbled somethings after which he asked me to go home and think over it. I assured him with all my might. He then made some casual talk with me and asked me to leave after asking a question if i have one. I asked "sir, am i fit to work in ur company?" to which he said "thats the result, u will know it at tomorrow 4 pm".

The next day i really wanted to go and see my results at 4 and attend the briefing wen amma and papa took me to Nagercoil for a meeting. They told me that the results wud be published only at late night if they said 4pm. On the way back at 11pm i had a call telling me that i was qualified and that i am a SATYAMITE. We glorified God for HIS great doing. Amma commented " I am glad u got the job offer now, wen u r 19"(there s only a week to go for me to be 20 yrs of age). But i am also glad abt the fact. Visakh, Lekshmy, Sawmya and Devika too got the job offers from my class.

It was a good experience and it was an event for the students to awake to the fact that the placement season has begun!I am elated, lot happier than the previous days - though griefs do abound inside - grateful to God for His mercies - for giving me such a big thing to be happy about on my birthday!

Its almost time - Feb 14

2008-02-07T20:04:00.000+05:30

People who see my blog might feel i m somebody awaiting great surprises on Valentine's Day. Nope, i m not. But i like this day. Feb 14 is celebrated as Valentine's Day every year. February may also be called the month of love. I am really happy to be a February baby. I was digging the net for some famous love quotes wen i found a few -

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love ~ said Albret Einstien.
The heart has it reasons which reasons does not know ~ said Pascal.
At the touch of love and heart everyone becomes a poet ~ said Plato.
If music be the food of love play on ~ said Shakespeare.
Where there is love there is life ~ said Gandhiji.

It goes on like that. In all definitions, i felt something funny and striking. Just like amny things love is also something that must be defined acc to one's perspective. But i just loved one small sentence that Hellen Keller(she was blind thru out her life, but is very popular and famous for the inspirations she gave the world of the blind as well as the non-blind ones). She said "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.They must be felt with the heart". - That most beautiful thing thats felt with the heart is called love.I feel this is the most divine and apt definition for "LOVE".

In college, there r valentine celebrations every year. But bcz the lab exam dates of many coincide with the Feb 14 date many of us r unable to be in college on this glorious day and be partakers in the fun. Wen i was in my first year, is the only time my class cud have valentine's day celebrations. We never knew each other well that time. Many were curious to know wat sort of affections ppl had for each other. So Unni, Fahad and team came up with a box in which we cud leave slips for some person. At the end of the day the box wud be opened and the ruins(letters) be given to the addressed. But by mid-day wen the box was full, the box was looted. Nobody got the letters they were waiting for.At evening we the classes were dispersed the ones who took the box came up with the letters. They had taken so much time to read thru all the letters and then hand them over. But it was great fun!

Since then, all Valentine's days were devoted to exams. This time also the same. The most wonderful thing is Valentine's Day is all about love. Its sadly mistaken as "romance" alone nowadays. The word love comes from the word liver. Liver is the most precious part of one's body. Tats the reason y we call our love as karaleee in malayalam. The song karale nin kai pidichal... from Devadhoothan is the malayalam song i like best.

New into Semester 6 in my OLD College;

2008-02-06T16:54:00.000+05:30

Being laid in bed with high fever, i was really desperate thinking about whether i wud be able to make upto college with all my friends on my first day in S6. My fear and frustration must have really added to my fever and body pain as i was all broken into tears bcz i was really looking forward to this day for abt the past one and a half month since S5 classes ended in Dec,2007. In the morning i found myself engergized and thrilled to go to college. I felt like a small kid in my enjoyment while in front of the mirror and while sayin goodbye to my parents when leaving for college.

It was really great to meet everybody in college, my classmates, faces of seniors, teachers, all looked so inviting for a fresh start! May God keep us all together filled with happiness this year. Today we were in our first yr block. It was quite nostalgic with the old affections blooming.

The small college is growing. I went down to the construction site with betcy on the way to the library and was really glad to the once dormant construction work to have been so quick as to make the buiilding tower to abt 4 floors in height. As i went inside the library, betcy said i must issue a book on database lab bcz she is havin fine in S5 which needs to be cleared for issuing books in S6. I told her that the last time i was in the library for issuing books was in S4 and dint know my fine. We got in and wen i was abt to pay my fine the librarian said that my fine was cleared long ago.

There is just another 3 semesters left for me in this college. Thinking abt it makes me feel quite sad. As me, betcy, sumitha and beena visited our favuorite haunts in our college today i felt myself falling into that abyss of immortal memories we made on the compund wall, on the steps into the graphics halls, on the platform near the library, the corridors of S5 classes which forced my lips into a good grin. I am sure that wherever i be, whatever age i be, my college life wud be one of the most beautiful memories i wud love to look upon in all ways. Its just beautiful - God has done a beautiful work in making all of us meet from diff parts of Kerala...

My choice when it comes to reading - ?

2008-01-29T20:34:00.000+05:30

Many people i know, esp aged ppl dont touch novels or other fiction. They r plunged into philosophical books and detest novels. I wonder y? "A novel is never anything but a philosophy put into words" - I have experienced this truth. In my life most often i have been advised a lot on how to react at different circumstances, how to consider others, how to speak, to imbibe new characters and so on. But i have never been able to produce in myself these changes bcz they were told by someone. I tried many times but i cudnt, so i left such a thought itself. But wen i read books many characters open up and speak to me, they change me thru their lives. After closing a book i realize that i have changed in my ideas and desire to change in some aspects or outlooks in my life bcz some characters in the book spoke to me.

I am a great fan of the English classics. I was first attracted by the abridged version of the book "Jane Eyre" which my sis got from the school library by accident. Being attracted by the story i wanted to read the full version of this work by Charolette Bronte. I became a fan of her works and i proceeded to finish all her works one by one, the last one being "Shirley". Wen all these were done i came to know of her famous sisters - Emily Bronte and Anne Bronte. I first tried the book "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte which is held a great work by all the literature freaks. But i found it a wrong choice and finished works by Anne Bronte. Then i wanted to find another good author and my choice was fixed on Jane Austen. While in school wen my frndz used to read Jane Austen books n all, i used to think hiding behind "Jack and The Beanstalk"..."God, wen am i going to be ready to read such BIG books". Wen i laid my hands on these books i realized how very interesting these were and wat a fool i was to think on those lines in my younger days. I started with "Pride and Prejudice" and endeed her series with "Sanditon". Again i wanted another book. I yearned for a Bronte book.
I finally chose Wuthering Heights though my heart resented it bcz it was one book i had left off in the middle. But this time, wen i read it, my heart and mind was in the book - unlike any other book i ever read - i will never forget the heartbeats it gave me, time can never wear off the impression it left in me. Howmuch i love the book i can never express in words. It speaks of immortal love on the moors between Catherine and Heathcliff which goes beyond the grave - though the love is thwarted. There are many points which the story highlights if one goes in for an in-depth analysis of the novel. I wud like to give this story in short as a post in my blog and my description will build and build more on the love between Heathcliff and Catherine, though the storylines tell the reader about Heathcliff rising to power, Heathcliff taking revenge on his enemies, and the lives of the next generations where the revenge is greatly avenged!

Emily has created eerie scenes and made supernatural powers have its effect on this precious novel of hers. Emily is always memorised as a timid character and very soft, but the work she produced is embossed with strong emotions vigorously depicted, unforgettable characters, nature playing its part beyond expectations thru her immortalized lines. The story is really a tragedy but she makes it end on a slight compromising note for the sake of her readers. I just love the book.

Wuthering Heights have been made into a movie many times in Hollywood as emotionally enthralling thrillers. Wuthering Heights will always remian the best book i ever read in my whole life. It is the book that i wud never get tired of. Reading thru the book my eyes wet unknowingly but my heart might be filled with wrath, a tender smile playin on my lips with the wind on the moors playing the interwined sweet and harsh notes on my ears making me feel the best!
After Wuthering Heights my favourite classic is "A Little Princess" by Frances Hodgson Burnett. It is quite a big novel written by an author who produced marvellous works for kids. But this book is a must-read for adults too. The book isnt a tragedy at all, still as i read it tears kept flowing from my eyes endlessly. Wen i was half way thru the book my family asked me wat happened to me bcz of which i narrated the story to them.As they were hearing me tears flowed from their eyes and they urged me to read the rest of the book and to tell the the rest of it. I always wish deeply to visit this book atleast once in every year. The book's main character is Sara Crewe, who is the uncrowned little princess in her divine characters as well as wealth. The book made me realize the flaws in my characters when compared with the little girl, than any other sermon i have ever heard. You might feel i am some sort of crazy girl to get pricked on reading such silly books - but if u really spare a little time for this book, u wont keep it down and u will feel for yourself more than i did for myself. The book is the best book bcz the reader gets refined oneself without knowing abt it. The book isnt one which is meant for refining, but refining comes in as a part of it. Till i read this book, i never knew how a book which doesnt have any essence of 'romance' can give a wonderful read and also be a thriller. But "A Little Princess", which is more than being a 'mere story' made me realize how wrong i was. It can make you too be enlightened like i was! Dont wait to lay ur hands on this book.

PS: Most of the classics are available on the net as e-books at http://www.online-literature.com/

It is a great site and favourite of any reader.

My favourite song - Munbe Vaa

2008-01-25T15:42:00.000+05:30

I havnt seen the film - Silinu oru kaadhal - yet, though i know the story and many of its script-lines by rote. But i have seen the songs from the movie many times. Whether to hear or to watch my most favourite song of all times is in this movie. I just love this song a lot a lot a lot. Each and every line of it has the luring power through its words. The song has got most mesmerising and unparallel lyrics. Its beats have many times made me tap my feet on the floor, hum the lines, dance unknowigly even when my spirits were so down. The music is just an ear candy for anybody's ears. It is a piece of AR Rehman sung by Naresh Iyer and Shreya Ghoshal. The backgroud music adds beauty to every meaning the song conveys. With Surya and Bhumika in the backdrop the visuals r most beautifully done with every scene beautifully merging with the next one(-quoting my frnd's dialogue). It depicts the campus love of Surya and Bhumika in a synopsis in the movie, but this short song speaks volumes for the idea conveyed. Such is its mesmerising effects. For everybody who loves it i m translating this song for you:

munbe vaa en anbe vaa

come before me my beloved

oone va uyire va
come to me, my life ~ oone means body

munbe vaa en anbe vaa
come before me my beloved

poo poovaai poo poopoam vaa
like a flower, let us bloom

naan naana? kaetten ennai naane
am i myself? i asked myself

naan neeya? nenjam sonnathey
am i not you? so said my heart

munbe vaa en anbe vaa
oone va uyire va

munbe vaa en anbe vaa

poo poovai poopoam vaa

rango rangolikoalangaL nee poattaal

if u spread the rangoli

koalam poattavaL kaigaL vaazhi
long live the hands of the one who made the rangoli

jal jal

sundara malligai sandhana malligai
Beautiful flower, sandal flower…

sinthiya punnagai vannam enna?
Wat is the color of the hands of the girl who dropped the flowers?

aaaahh ohhhh aaaah

poovaithai poovaithai
you kept a flower over a flower

nee poovaikkoar poovaithai
while doing that you made a garland

mana poovaithu poovaithu
you kept those flowers in my heart

poovaikuL thee vaithaai
and u kept fire to those flowers

Ohhhh…ohhhhhh

thaeney nee mazhaiyil aada
honey, as u danced in the rain

naan mounam nanaithu vaada
I was left speechless yearning for you

en naalathil un ratham naadaikul un satham
In my viens, its ur blood and my heartbeat has your sound
Ho…

thozha, oru silai naalai
Dear lover, even for sometimes

thaniyana aanal
if I am alone without you

tharayinil meen mmm…mmm…
I feel like a fish out of water (munbe)

nilavidam vaadagai vaangi
lets borrow from the moon

vizhi veetinil kudi vaikkalaama
lets make our dreams stay in the house

naan vaazhum veetukul veraarum vanthaley thagumaaaa……
if anybody else comes into the house where you shud stay with me, shall I bear it?

then malai thaekukku nee dhaan
u carried the honey comb on ur shoulders

unthan thoLgaliL idam tharalama
can I lean myself on ur shoulders?

naan saayum thoalmel vaeroruvar saainthaley… thagumaa…
if anybody else leans on the shoulders where I must lean upon, shall I bear it?

neerum sengula chaerum
as pure water and dirty water mixed

kalanthathu poley kalanthavar yaar
who got mixed the same way??(munbe vaa en anbe vaa)

PS: I shall try to add a video link later.Infact i tried it once but failed.Enjoy the song and make it ur fav!!!This is a special post on behalf of the upcoming Valentine's Day.

Crazy Blogger

2008-01-23T07:11:00.000+05:30

These days i have been changing my blog templates one by one every moment. So everybody opening my blog must have found it infact a "small wonder". yesterday, i felt one blog isnt enuf which led to the creation of a new one. the link to the new one is there in the sidebar under the title 'blogs wort visiting'. the blog name is 'she z all extravaganza'. lately i have been publishin some posts..deleting them after a few days. Sorry frdnz, mst probably that wont happen ever again...hehe(will try my best). Have a visit to the new blog too.

The mail long awaited

2008-01-15T20:09:00.000+05:30

For a long time, I have been waiting, waiting and waiting for this one mail. The first time i read it, I found it really special and good. But i somehow lost it. The next time i got it again i lost it. I waited another few years for this one mail to step into my mailbox. Finally a few days before i got it as a forwarded mail from Madhuri. Thanks to her. Since this is a real special mail, i reccomend everybody to read it. Forwards r infinte, but forwards that deserve real attention come only once in a bluemoon.This is what the mail says:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real, but only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

~The Anonymous Call~

2008-01-11T11:35:00.000+05:30

Caution : Please take care that such mishaps dont occur at anybody's homes.

Yesterday evening my amma and sis and couz bro went to the chalai market with our driver. I was all alone at home with my bed ridden muthashi and one servant(aunty) who looks after her. I was busy wroking on the net when i suddenly lost the net connection. It was about 7pm. When i tried calling the customer care the power went off as it was the power cut time. So being bored abt what to do for the next half an hour i succumbed on the sofa near the phone with many matters whizzing thru my head.As i leant my head for some sleepy mood the fone rang.
I attended the call. The guy at the other end asked "babas studio aano?". I cud hear some laughter too. I said "alla". But i found something cynical abt the matter. I felt somebody was trying to fool me. Quite angered i kept the fone and went my way. After another 5 mins there was another call when the same guy asked me "manassilayille?". "No". "aaah, enna venda". Again there was roaring laughter. I got awfully irritated. I told the aunty what was happening. I started suspecting ppl one by one. I felt my phone number was lost from one of my friends into some jerk's hands. I immediately reached one of my friends and asked him highly irritated whether my number was leaked. He sweared to make me believe. I wanted to call amma or papa and tell. But before that as i was whacking my head another call came.

Aunty came to the front. Puzzled, i went and got the call...I heard a female voice this time. I knew that those guys were fooling me by changing their voice. They asked "Spencers aaano?". This time i was sure that the guys were fooling me purposely. Most annoyed i said "No. enthina engane disturb cheyyune?"Me and aunty thot abt what to do the next time they call. But there was no call for another 10 mins. As i was busy with other things. Another call came. The voice asked "Paalayam aano?". This call was repeated again in quick succession abt 3 times. Once aunty volunteered to attend the call but then nobody wud speak.

So as the fone rang the next time, we both stood staring helplessly and i began thinkin how my amma wud react under similar situation. Wheneer we got any calls similar to thses my amma wud fire the ppl well. But i thot "God, i dont know how to call "rascals" or to spk like my amma does". But i just closed my eyes and took the fone n said "RASCALS!!!eni melal ethu repeat cheyyaruthu.just stop this stupid nonsense". There was silence. When i kept the fone down, me and aunty laughed with victorious joy. The call never occured again.

When my family was back home. I ran to my amma and said "U know a guy called here...some anonymous calls. U know how welll i handled the situation?" My amma's face wasnt so curious or immensly happy and so was my couz. My sis sprang up and told me "u know where those calls came from? It was amma and couz who did it and all the shouting u gave was for amma..good job!" There was laughter thru-out. Shucks! but my hands went to my head...oooh was it my mom whom i fired thru the fone by taking her role??

Thats life - So ppl beware - anonymous calls - may sometimes make u feel so much funny like this!!!

Live the RAIN

2008-01-11T05:45:00.000+05:30

Yesterday as she was walking back from work in the rain...though drenched in water without an umbrella, she felt with vigour the strength of every water drop striking her forehead which traced its path down her long nose and to a puddle near her feet. Initially she was disturbed to see herself helpless without an umbrella or a coat and to be reminded inward that she must reach home soon. All prepared for those dreadful drenched mometns, she stepped out from the shade after waiting a long time for the rain to subside. The initial cold water pouring into her gave her the chill right through her bones. Nobody to be seen on the roads. All alone she walked with the water accompanying her. As she advanced she loved the feeling, the dampness, the cold. Every drop that struck her made her heart beat faster and yearn for more. She longed her home was far away. Slowly, unknowingly, gracefully her walking feet changed their movements to the rythm of her heart. She felt the unleashed joy, the pounding of life within, and the celebration began unawares.

Never a dancer, she danced and danced making it a fete. She relished the rain and fancied it. She wanted to spent her life here out in nature's biggest delight - rain. Songs filled the downpour. It was joy overflowing her heart through her lips. Finally, those despised moments came when the rains were no more. She then became conscious of the time that elapsed. In all her new filled energy she ran home to see a caring mamma awaiting her with a blanket. Mamma never knew the till-then-unseen smile on her daughter's face as she was drawn into a swirl by the daughter. They laughed and shared the dampness.

Ever since, whenever she heard the drizzle even before the waters outburst, she broke every barrier to re-live that rainy day saying "I love you". All the energy she lost was boosted by the rain. All her tears the rain took away bringing her awaited happiness. She loved her life and wished to live forever.

~ Wet me in the Rain,

drench me in the water,

All to forget my pain

And to dance in all that Splatter!~

My dreams

2008-01-03T16:28:00.001+05:30

In the blue morning skies ,
the black night skies,
On the floating clouds
I kept building and building my dreams
With all that I liked
And it touched the stars,
who gave the twinkle for my dreams
The clouds carried my dreams far and wide
My dreams, they grew and floated among the stars!
My joy being in my castles in dreamland can never be conveyed...

On this earth
Among my dears my dreams built me
To what I am today

2008 - Another New Year

2008-01-01T20:16:00.000+05:30

I never wanted to blog today, bcz my exams r too near, but since this is a special day i felt i shud leave a post in my blog as these moments r not to return again...Jan1 - New Year Day.
So here I am in all my haste to wish you a Wonderful 2008 filled with all good blessings from heaven above!

I am glad 2007 is over and that it will only remian in my memories. It was in a way the year i never want to look back on. Life has been fair or unfair, i dont know. But all the years except 2007 whenever i faced problems there was something else to cool it...If there is a hill then there is a valley...But it wasnt so in 2007. Things i detested came one behind the other. I left God many times thinking he never blessed me and only pushed me deeper into that pond of misery in which i loathed to go. Yesterday in church we had our New Year Meeting. Pastor spoke that we shouldnt owe others anything other than love which can never be satiated. He then recounted the incident of a lady whom he saw begging for alms at the Thampanoor Bus stand...who was a leper with all her 10 fingers decayed and who was glorifying "merciful" God while she was taking her alms in a vessel hung on her arm. my eyes welled up with tears. The fact is i faced miseries but God supported me all thru(otherwise i wudnt see a 2008) and there were so many things i took for granted in life which many others wished for in their lives. I pleaded God to forgive me and to open mine eyes to the innumerable blessings he has showered in my life.

So here i am in 2008 to make fresh memories. I have taken some resolutions. May God enable me to compensate for 2007 in 2008. I wish myself and you a Happy New Year. Let our tears be for joy and never for sorrow but let us not forget to shed tears for the sorrow of our dears.

~HapPy nEw YeaR ~ HavE A bLaST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas...

2007-12-23T06:28:00.000+05:30

Christmas is here...

first of all, i want to be a christmas angel and wish all my blog visitors and the whole world a

~"Merry Merry Merry Christmas"~

Christmas brings me the memories of a year that has flown away to remian in memory. I still remember my last Christmas as if it had been so near rather than 12 months away. Time flies like anything. Sometimes i wish so much that time does fly away but many times i wish that this time wud go a bit slower.

I really do not know wat actually Santa, Christmas tree, cakes, wine all signify in christmas, but i only feel that all these are much necessary to make the season complete. there s no christmas without all these. christmas brings the message of love, joy, peace and...forgiveness. But now all these aspects that the season singnifies has faded away and only merriment and enjoyment has taken over. Merriment is surely needed but let us not forget the message. My christmas wish is that

~All of us will inbibe the christmas message and make this christmas a real milestone in our lives~

I wanted to attatch a small christmas story here but right now i feel a bit lazy. But i wud like to remind u all of one story - The gift of the Magi. its a story worth reading and also for helping all understand the meaning of christmas and christmas gifts. So this christmas lets all read "the gift of the Magi" and if not get "gifts" the way the Magi couple did, let us send our friends the gifts by heart-to-heart-mail.... I wish we all will give our friends the same gift....and the gift is...

~A parcel of ur love, forgiveness and urself - for their joy and peace~

Once again wishing all a merry Christmas

-From the Christmas Angel(myself).

Paste....??...tats it...paste!

2007-12-14T13:50:00.000+05:30

Chennai trip came to my mind simply as i was scanning my diary...I had started a page on the trip but had stopped and left it without completion...This year on August 26th my family set out for a trip to Chennai. We took my Grandma along. As memories abt Chennai filled my mind i laughed wen an incident came to my memory.

On reaching Chennai we boarded two rooms in Nellappayyar Park in Egmore. Me, my sis and grandma were to be in one room. The room had a sitting room attatched. Me n my sis lil crazy abt the tv always wanted it on...so my grandma took refuge in the sitting room chanting prayers or reading something. Since me n sis had entirely different tastes abt the channels we wanted to watch we decided to come to a compromise abt the matter. So since she was a late sleeper and me an early riser, we decided that all night she wud watch and goto sleep and frm the moment i wake up i cud watch. All morning we wud go sight- seeing, so no tv, and the options were only late night and early morning hours...Poor grandma had to bear with us wen she had to rest or sleep or do her morn duties.

So, on the first day i woke up at abt 6 and was enjoying my fav songs swaying myself gladly to the rythms...Grandma woke up and she started moving abt the room doin her small jobs like gettin her dresses, digging the bags for wat she needed and all...everytime she crossed the tv i found myslef adjusting my position so that i wont miss anything. in b/w grandma wud come n ask "makkale, tea venama?", "papa room number enna?". To all these wat i reply even i dint know. Once Grandma asked me "makkale, can i have ur tooth-paste?" i din hear. she asked again. finally she succeded in makin me hear. i said..."Grandma, pastoo?..aaaah...oru minute...oru minute"...with my head always turned in the direction of the screen i went to my baggage. acc to my memory, I had disposed all my cosmetics, comb, soaps, paste in a side pocket. my eyes glued to the tv i scrambled inside the pocket and finally sighed wen drawing out the paste and handing it over to Grandma and again hit the bed. Wen it was almost time for us to go out, i realized that i hadnt done anything yet. I just got up and rushed to the bathroom turning the volume a bit higher...

Once in the bathroom i wanted to brush my teeth...From inside "grandmaaa, pate onnu tharuvoo? evideya vechee??" grandma replied..."makkale, its there...on the wash-basin slab"...i scanned all over the slab...i cudnt find the tooth-paste. wat was there was just my fair and lovely, soap and our tooth-brushes...so again i peeped out n said.."Grandma, u took it out...it isnt here"...she said it was there in the bathroom itself...Finally i finished a bath and then came out in search of my tooth-paste and found it inside my bag...i said " grandma u placed it back inside the bag...thanks" grandma said.."no dear". i was going mad...i went to the bathroom and suddenly something dawned on me. I just took the fair and lovely tube and came out and asked.."grandma, is this the tooth-paste u used????" ...grandma replied.."yes, i told u it was there".oooooooooh..my hands were on my head..."grandma, did it taste good"...she said..."dear, it tasted really different, i thot since u r using some high quality tooth paste this wud be the taste...y?".."grandma, it was my fair and lovely with which u just brushed ur teeth...i m really sorry".in my haste to watch the tv wat i handed over to grandma was the fair and lovely from the bag. we all had a good laugh...hehe....u know, fair and lovely cannot make the teeth whiter...hehe!

But all are paste....thats all!.

Each Rose says...

2007-12-11T14:37:00.000+05:30

A rose shows your friendship,
A rose shows your heart.
A rose when you first meet,
A rose when you part.
The petals may fall,
but the feelings won't fade,
A rose is emotion,
through beauty displayed.

Y i like Festivals?

2007-12-11T14:32:00.000+05:30

There s a significance attatched to festivities in my life. I love the festive mood esp after i joined my college. Here i really enjoy the festivals. Its not the nicities we get to eat but the spirit and the enthusiasm with which all collegiates join together to enjoy watever be the fights that has been going on. We celebrate Onam, Christmas and Holi at college.

The whole college celebrates Onam together. We have many games. The athapookalam competition makes us stick together to make our class win. There r flowers all around...boys as kerala men in mundu...girls beautifully clad in saris...we really enjoy it. After all the competition we stay back and in the closed room we just destroy our pookalam and throw flowers at all....flower fight...wen we r exhausted we just take up the brooms to clean the class. At the centre of the pookalam, cowdung is placed. Once one of my frnds took it up gloriously in her hands not seeing wat she s taking and throwing it on one of the boys. it was fun then...hehe.. An onasadhya follows. Vadamvali, Kaserakali, Uriyadi, and many such games follows that joins the whole collge to share the fun.

Christmas celebration is mostly done by each class for themselves wen they feel convenient bcz its the study holz time. This time my class S5 IT had xmas celebs on dec 6th. We had a free class for oursleves. Many had brought balloons and dec items with which we decorated our class a small kidz. Color paperz r used to decorate the windows as well as to fix tails for frnds...hehe.It feels so great wen we forget how grown up we r and go back to a 'kg' state unknowingly. We have our christmas frnd and we buy gifts for our chrstmas frnd and give it to our frnd on this day. It feels so great wen we all get together forgetting everything else and only laugh and make fun. On dec 6th wen we finally said goodbyes for the study leave tears twhikled in many eyes. Hands held for shake-hands were hesitant to leave thinkin abt a long vacation.

Holi...its not much of a celeb in S.India.Still, wen u want to celebrate u just want a festival. Wen we were in S4 we clebrated holi. S4 IT and S4 EC had their celebs together during the lunch recess. It was high spirit enjoyment and all of us head to feet in colors. Hands were clutched as all hands carried a good amt of color powder. It was a shock wen our teacher arrived for the class. Actually we hadnt got permission for celebs. So we just ran to the class and sat down not knowing wat to do. In terror we enever noticed how ourselves or our frnds looked. Ma'am fired us and finally we came to our senses to examine our 'kooolams'. it was fantastic. The HOD arrived and S4 IT was suspended for half day. We were little tensed but our enjoyment and happiness within us knew no bounds. Again i m looking forward to another Holi.

Enjoyment means - get togethers for fun - wat issues is - happiness and immense enjoyment - wat expels is - sorrows and fights - wat stays on is - chrished memories - whose purpose is - to be a joy forever ~ SO NEVER FORGET TO GRAB THE FESTIVALS WEN THEY R ON UR WAY~

Back To Blogging...

2007-12-11T14:21:00.000+05:30

After a long time, once again i am back as a blogger.

The poetic soul is roused in poets or ordinary people when they are brimming with some sort of emotion such as joy, love, pain, sorrow...and they gift us all their "crap"! hehe...

The same way i become a blogger when under somewat similar conditions and when i dont know wat to do though i have lots to do and when i am frustrated with life, hesitant to take another step...and thats wen i gift my friends and myself a "beautiful" blog! Last time i became a blogger to be a blogger. I wanted to have a blog just bcz many had their blogs. At some pt of time i got fed up with it. The reason is the inspiration for continuing the blog wasnt there in me...rather i found it a job..i made it formal...i wanted to give it elegance and just cudnt express myself which made blogging a tedious work rather than wat i looked forward to. But this time i think i am different. Sometime back, a dear frnd asked me to start blogging. but i said no bcz then i didnt know y i must blog or wat i must do with the blog. but now i m forced to blog. my main inspiration is seeing my frnds blogging. blogging is not just interesting but i m of the idea it will keep me engaged. Let me too have a blog.

Now its a looong study leave for me. So i have nothing to do. Obviously, exams r ahead and there somethin to study. But i dont feel like. So wen i dont feel like studying i shall work on my blog.

Friends, please feel free to comment on any of my posts...Anybody can comment!...
Cheers to myself....I AM A BLOOOOOGGER.....